It’s HARD for Love to STAND for LEGS that Open EASILY

Among the highly esteemed state of affairs, Love has had its fair share of the rouse. Affairs have been pioneered, and sparks of love have started fires inside the darkest of rooms. Some will say their love is so lit. Your jaw will drop and in that perturbed state, you will wonder if they know how Kenyan high-schools are getting lit more than their social media relationships, presided over by arsonist on rampage! The enraged inferno in  Kenyan schools is burning more dormitories. More than your oily sponsor and your chubby girlfriend are  burning calories!

The power of love is becoming so immense,  I am starting to wonder if we can tap some electricity from it. If so, then people would start shying away from love all the same. Why? Because with more power(of love)  there will emerge even greater electricity bills. And who wouldn’t  want to save, and save their poor souls from lovesickness.

See, There’s only so much love to go around. But look at the chemistry people have around, its alluring.  On the flip-side, and regrettably so, the gullible ones are being used as Litmus tests. permanent decisions on temporary feelings.  Chiefs daughter’s are getting knocked up,  unwarranted yet benevolent sperm donors masquerading as Love doctors, are making fertilization a success  because they can’t sheath it up. Those whose souls have been the hub and lab for heartbreaks will tell you, love being accepted as a pill of happiness, is an overestimate—And that love is overrated.  So pompous is the word (love), the arousal it elicits makes virginity want to escape one’s unsullied body right onto loins that care to accommodate a raunchy jiggery-pokery.

Okay back to sleeping , don’t you find it amusing how we all sleep differently,  today i will sleep on my stomach ,  tomorrow i will discover that my fat brother has a fetish for sleeping on his back,  then the shocker will come forth,  a eureka moment will hit you after you realize your girlfriend sleeps with everybody!  But because you love them with all your heart and not with your head,  you will want to change your name to “Everybody”  to satisfy his and her’s profound and superfluous sexual appetite. You want to think how its not a big deal sharing a cookie or a beefcake with those hungry” hyenas”.

Then you feel the dent

You will think that’s a good idea but your ego will have suffered a grisly fatality! That your boy-toy  has been Dipping his man-bits into even more cherry, or your damsel  has sampling other baby making tools, will crash and bulldoze your ego leaving your self-esteem worse than Cheryl Kitonga’s boyfriend.
You feel cheated, victimized and trashed. So much so that you will pass by the trash can to pick your dignity that has been dumped! Notwithstanding,  you will be glad your scandalous love intricacies were not published on New York Times or aired live on CNN and Aljazeera. Because there’s only so much dirty linen to air on KTN inside story (jicho pevu chronicles). And don’t people love your dirt unfold right before their eyes. They do.

Now sex comes easy but finding loyalty is harder than a man’s morning glory!  Harder  than Koffi Olomide Taekwondo kicks to one of his dancers at JKIA. The allure for frictional acrobatics in bed, on the kitchen counter,  on the couch,  or in the shower (the possibilities are limitless)  is usually overly tempting. Romping is more seductive than the urge of a maiden to stop when she notices a mirror right in the middle of a thronged town. Who bewitched girls with mirrors and front cameras? The bond is so strong, i feel like Eurobond does not merit all that ballyhoo it gets.
See even my ally way back in primary school stopped trusting his class three girlfriend when she left him for me, just because i bought a sharpener with a mirror.  Of course i squandered the opportunity and declined her proposal , i was too unblemished for puppy love. 

Cheating in relationships is on the rise like it’s some fireworks,  and the situation is as dire as KCSE exam cheating. Sometimes you want to think it’s every man’s dream to remove a woman’s pants one day, but not when its on the drying line.
Methinks, now that polygamy seems to have been banished, men feel starved by zero grazing!  They can’t help but remain green with envy, when they imagine King Solomon was grandiose with a gazillion concubines, yet the society wants men to stick  their joysticks in only one legal joy-trap!  Hold on,  Some feminist is already yelling —Double standards in the background.  So who are we going to listen to?  Biblical allusion or my alleged chauvinism?  Pick a struggle.

In this epoch we live in, cookies are being smashed more than the candy crush saga. Heck cookies ain’t even pastry anymore. Cookies jars are not even tight enough to prevent a hungry hyena from putting its head in. (drag a pun at your own convenience)
It’s then with high preference that those confined in love should set the scope of their chivalry and how much honey they can offer from their pot.  If it earns you money, then sell it even on OLX,  if it attracts sponsors, please don’t complain how that sponsor cannot last in bed yet you hide your last seen on whatsapp and can’t jog for 5 minutes. Above all you can also choose to open books,  not legs or rather  blow minds, not guys. Men can also choose to drink more water, read more books and stay away from harlots. If more than a dozen guys have sucked your breasts yet you don’t do it for a living, (like a Milk dispenser) your milk is going to waste and getting men wasted.  Stop breastfeeding a grown ass man and save it for your kids before their share is depleted!

But thinking out loud,  if the intercourse and explosive hormones are taken away,  will your partner have something else to offer?  Can they bring wit, banter or showcase a little repertoire that will keep you guys dancing to each other’s tune. You could be the fool,  but can any of you bring back intelligence and save both of you from tomfoolery?
If you swore  allegiance,  prudence calls for you to remain loyal. If it doesn’t work,  leave and minimize on kissing frogs hoping they turn out to be Brad Pitt, Johnny Depp or Leonardo Dicaprio. And please stop saying all men are dogs. Who told you to go sampling all of them!    Watering a dead flower is sappy if you ask me.
That said, lemme say this: If you love someone set them free,  if you detest them,  set them free,  basically set everyone free and get a puppy,  people are buffoons.  That’s why you are always  crying wolf and posting your bitterness on social media!  Get accustomed to the fact that there is a lie in believe,  over in lover,  end in friend, ex in next and if in life.  Hitherto finding authentic love will remain as hard as the next generation finding usernames.
Again you never acknowledge what you have till its gone and toilet paper is a good example.

Now guys love rolling in the hay, MCAs and Senators daughters are getting bonked every passing day,  Radio hosts are going bonkers after realizing the only reason they are trending is because the world knows their wives can easily slide their panties to the side to screw a side-guy.  All this is unfolding right before the universe while university couples are slaying and lynching each other because their girlfriends are for everybody, and their boyfriends cant keep calm their shafts which want to dig the hollowness of every skirt in a bid to devour the hoochie coochie. 

We are not totally doomed though,  we might have a solution. The va-jay-jay might have hope of not being frantically destroyed in  future. Just like  a female duck’s vagina,  we hope the human beaver will develop multiple false passages to protect our ladies from contraband sex by unwanted male bimbos! 
That will be quite a pragmatic remedy,  for legs that open easily. All we pray is evolution happens expeditiously and makes this duck theory sprout inside the future homo sapiens.
Meanwhile screams of forbidden ecstasy will continue to wreck homes while love degenerates to nothing better than something suicidal! 

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