If you really want to hide your “Last seen” on Whatsapp I’d suggest you hide it in a Book…. Thats the last place these thirsty, dryspell-stricken lotharios will check! Where would they get the time to open up a book if they are busy chasing after skirts to book for a coitus session in their bedbug infested bedsitter, whose Meadows can only be referred to as “Muliro Gardens! “?
Are you still wondering why the simple task of using cleverly contrived pickup lines to woo a damsel still remain a menace to many Lads? Simple… These guys would rather read ladies bodies in brail for arousal… than indulge their brains in some serious literary perusal…
And they will go about the streets ready to take any lass they find astonishingly Luscious for a treat… Woe unto you if the lady is oozing with brains and your English becomes the main rationale that wakes Shakespeare from his stupor and probably from the dead because you have been working in shifts to kill English and bury it altogether. So the lady will be modest enough to finally ask… “Where did your English went?” because by now it’s only but crystal clear that she is on that date for the food and nothing else… So no amount of blathered banter would actually make the situation catastrophic since after all she has nothing to lose…. In fact she needs you to get Lost pronto! Penguins of Madagascar can do better Grammer!
The reading culture is less glorified in this epoch thanks to the Brobdingnagian amount of time folks spend to take photos and filter them with the hope of looking like Helen of Troy only to end up looking like the goddess of Halloween…. (i think if i had a makeup store the stock would be sold out everyday anyday).. Do some of these chics actually apply all the content in a makeup kit at a go? because the other day i met this lady and and her face was all powdered up you’d think she is sponsored by a Cement Factory! As if that is not enough..you know the girl and she takes a dive onto your chest leaving a cloud of dust (face powder) particles escaping into thin air… You wish the powder took you with it… Then follows the dreaded pecks that leave all manner of paintings on your face and white shirt.. …(You silently curse.. who invented lipstick!) Then because you cant take it anymore you tell her… “Excuse me…i think you need a mirror because you have a face on your makeup!!
You cant wait to get home to have a shower and scrub it all off with the new brush you will buy while doing your shopping at a mall that will have onlookers thinking you are advertising the makeup varieties stocked in your stall..
Back to opening books…. (bottles?) …..(Note: Facebook is not even a book) but you will find all these attention-craving feigned folks spending their entire day trying to show the whole world how their livers have incessantly survived seizures by processing alcohol without malfunctioning…. So they will take pictures holding ciroc bottles some Hennessey and they will say.. “but do i say” … (some even take a picture of their receipt to prove their affluence.. Bill gates should just flash these types down the toilet) Maybe am trying to be poetic but then that’s an Odyssey to ponder all the same…! They live their lives in bottles… It becomes even more torturous to peeresses since however priceless they are crafted, alcohol makes them wallow right onto the phalluses they’ve been trying to avoid. Girly Girl… You just got swallowed like a marshmallow because you were in a frenzy to take some local brew…. Or is it gurana or Blackice? (Play that “Mollis” audio clip again and fathom what alcohol can do to a gentlewoman). This is the point a smart lady will blatantly tell you how alcohol is their Achilles heels with inclined thoughts of declining free booze since they know for sure Alcohol makes their legs misbehave… So you ponder.. how? … “They make you Stagger?” you ask…. And she says… “No, they spread!” Holly Ant! A philanderer will exclaim… because he just missed the opportunity to get laid on the day he got paid to buy her a drink!
Dozens of fellas are scrambling to get into a relationship so i cant help but wonder if there’s free food in those ships called relation… Am still dumbfounded… My Tissue paper actually lasts longer than these relationships. A guy will fake it all to blow a Girls mind if not sweep her off her feet with an ardent hope that she will blow him! And if rejected he’ll yell… “what a blow!” The guy might probably be a thin guy–so you do your maths and conclude… No sooner had he got into a commitment than he was blown out of the relationship because he’s too frail… (Nature has no chills).. Lets hit the gym guys lest wind blows us away from our love entanglements…. (Love sick puppies would die on this day for sure)
Sure thing.. ignorance is bliss…!
Bring back our reading culture…. Because its extinction is on the horizon and these Asinine sapiens will stop at nothing until they fill the world with a widespread species of cockamamie(s) who would rather blow a haemoglobin enthralled phallus than blow minds with their intellect…! You might sound like a gentleman by saying the only thing you pull out for a lady is a chair but please don’t bring forth babies you’ll end up feeding on guavas only… Because you still live at your parents house and a guava tree is all the inheritance you are assured of! Open books… doors… as i open the fridge for more Food… Just don’t open your legs for every Tom dick and hurry to spray his stray bullets as he voraciously anticipates to come to his senses! That’s just nonsensical! Am not saying you become a Nun either !