Facebook Love Story Syndrome, Online Love Hosting


Isn’t technology quite the bomb nowadays? (forget the pun) just picture yourself in a pan getting fried by folks consuming bundles of Internet as they roast Donald Trump on some huge grill without caring if he’ll turn into a charcoal black negritude together with his attitude. But then again i wouldn’t blame Trump entirely.. Maybe his brain is in a limbo state and he thinks you have to be a racist to be in a presidential race and qualify as the  next POTUS. Now If i was still relying on colostrum for nutrition and boobs as my milk dispensers,  then  i would have to suffer the anguish of having to distinguish Donald Trump from Donald Duck! for the simple fact that both are cartoons! The only difference is Trumps rhetorics are aired on CNN while Donald Duck entertains toddlers on Cartoon Network! But that is a tale for another day, long after the leader of the free world has been inaugurated. For now let’s sign in for some facebook validated love chronicles …

Now by all means facebook has brought us so close. So close that you can hardly breath.. reason?  Love is in the air and oxygen is deemed old-fashioned for life support.  They’d rather inhale more love to survive the turbulence of emotional roller coaster.  Their hearts are in a state of unrest and they might be rebellious enough to stop pumping blood the moment love is not lurking in the air. They care less if oxygen lacks in their lungs because all they want to breath in is romance! 
Romance in a generation of project X is one of the things that has lost its value…down to the extremes of the Zimbabwean dollar. But  with the rising growth of feelings fueled by flings and superfluous need to satiate the “feel-good” hormones, i think the word romance can continue being mutilated if not misused!  But who am i to sink the boat of love that started with an innocent riddle… Because really, what did one boat say to the other? Are you up for a little Row-mance? She gets on board then the fairy tales begin.

It is quite a privilege that most of us are lucky bastards who have access to the Internet— a perfect platform to air your messy relationship intricacies for everyone to know that indeed you found the perfect beholder.. the very soul that understands your madness!
Then finally,  you are on the loose! Spilling heated cocktails of passion, affection and  foreplay attempts with your new Angel. If her name is Angel then for the second time in a row you get to be a lucky bastard. Again! The Internet becomes aroused too. Your Facebook friends cannot help but ogle amorously at the pictures of the two lovebirds who cant fly the hell out of their timeline and go make love on some tree.. Somewhere.. ! 
There’s nothing wrong with showing us(off) who holds the full rights to stimulate your labia minora and satisfy your morning glory in cloud 9 situations, In fact it is the perfect way to keep the “hyenas” at bay, far away from your bacon and eggs(bae)! On the flip-side  the headache arises when two lovers decide to spam an innocent citizen’s facebook page with their love story… well choreographed it is, you can see profound monkey see monkey do episodes borrowed from mexican series. Oh dear Sloppy soaps.
You walk into the room and you find your girlfriend watching a soap, not in the bathroom this time, the soap made its way into the television set…then she tells you, 

“Look at how much he loves her…. ”

You give her a reassuring smile and reply..

” Yes but do you know how much he’s being paid for that?” 

By now she should have woken up and vacated utopia! If not, she is a suicide bomber who would die for love! Show a clean pair of heels brethren, before your Juliet  turns you into Romeo or Alejandro against your will.
We are living in times when posting pictures and billboards of your love life seems like the only ticket to enjoying the fruits and juices of your love.. Both of you will show us how you are enjoying the apples from the middle tree making us wonder if we will die before our time if we don’t announce our own crappy puppy-love online!

What a time to be alive! I mean a lady  somewhere will be wanting so much to videotape childbirth while some dude will kill to film the actual conception! Okay i get it, its none if my business… furthermore, its your life!
By now someone feels like leaving a comment below saying… “Stop misleading others with stupid wisdom quotes, allow people to enjoy their relationship in peace!” 
But can i also add that love comes quietly, without banners of flashing lights. If you hear bells,  get your ears checked! 
If you find your “True Love” and you can see it in their eyes don’t even bother checking whats inside their brain, but be sure i will  buy you dozens of handkerchiefs to soak your gallons of tears once the feel-good hormones expire dawning on you that the relationship is died a premature death!

See.. i told you… don’t flood my timeline with your lovey-dovey undertakings, now i will also have to attend your relationship’s funeral after it comes crumbling down onto the rocks just after it breaks your virginity and heart mercilessly! What could be more catastrophic! Worse is that even the Al shabaab, Al qaeda and Isis know you’ve broken up with your guy and they cant wait to announce that they take responsibility! 

Then follows a flood of quotes and memes that only show how some nincompoop played with your brains, blood and everything nice! You will cry wolf all over the Internet with your true friends empathizing with you with Comments like… “True you deserve better” My question is… Why do you always end up choosing the wrong guy!
By all means wife that girl if you find endearing companionship in her, you’ll definitely be happy. If you get a bad one you’ll  most likely become a philosopher! Or a quote generator if not a recycler!

If  by any chance you’ve been learning from the school of life… It is notable that social media addiction has been the very undoing for some. When it comes to relationships,  chaps are looking for excitement, thrill in life and adventure only for them to document it on Facebook,  instagram and snapchat for the remaining lonely mammals to derive pleasure if only to cure their depression! Nowadays you text a girl thirty minutes later and she already has a new boyfriend! Holy crap! Hello my beloved jezebel?  I was only washing dishes and shining a damn “sufuria”. 

Shopping online is happening,  online relationships are skyrocketing,  and now it is safe to say that world war 3 will be fought online with Trump starring Hitler!
You and your lover are online, but pride is also online and nobody wants to start the conversation!
Red flag you might say…  well, we are getting closer to times when if your lover were to kick the bucket and you were the first person the cops called,  you’d tell the cops to take a snap of the body and tag you on Facebook for identification….. Then you’ll add that  you liking the photo will confirm that indeed they are your deceased lover!  What  Nonsense!

One sure thing is I am not in a position to dictate anyone’s love life. Albums of your picnics and love on top of the world are very welcome on our timelines. In fact you can  tag me and my neighbors dog in a few  because we know nothing about romance! Continue spamming my page with your love newsletters, because really, am bored to death and i can only come back to life after looking at  pictures of you swapping saliva with your boyfriend! Spread the spams of joy that come with your relationship and don’t forget to buy me some groundnuts just so i can nourish and cherish my sperms too!

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7 Comments Add yours

  1. mariah says:

    lol…you really are something Marcel…
    anyway i concur…love your article to bits.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. itsmarcel says:

      You finding time to peruse is a bold attempt to make the entire writing worthwhile


  2. Wangu says:

    Donald Trump and Donald Duck are both cartoons. That’s a fact I agree.


    I like the article

    Liked by 1 person

    1. itsmarcel says:

      Well appreciated Wangu..what a coincidence you also know Donald.? I have a feeling Trump told you “You are fired” in The Apprentice show. And you had to pay back by calling him a bozo of a cartoon!


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