Now life happened to us, and in it, we found an assortment of unwritten rules which we find ourselves upholding effortlessly. The crafty ones who have eaten life with a spade will emancipate you and help you bend the rules (that is after they have mutilated the sainthood and all the reverence left in you, then planted a chip in your brain that resets “breaking rules” to “bending rules”). Hitherto, you will be ready to face the torments this cruel world throws your way.
Your chastity will be ushered into the dating scene and the very thought of bending rules will justify the sins you are about to commit without being seen. You will want to be Adam… or Eve..and the fruit in the middle will be the most coveted bear trap if not the most sought honey pot! Soft.
Arbitrary dating rules will be forsaken and folks will be chaotic in their quest to satisfy their sexual abstention and their conspicuous absenteeism in the field of hocus-pocus. And with that, some will feel their lives have climaxed to a point so hunky-dory.
See, some of the phenomena that play out on my watch leave me dumbfounded and inexplicably flabbergasted. Like how does a freshman find their soulmate and the underground hub of condom dispensers in the first two months of college? (save for the fact that it took me a whooping half a year to find the administration block and another six months to benefit from Waiguru’s NYS kitty that erected the much needed condom dispensers.) Now i had to make that pun the hard way, you saw that right?
Lately, even more souls are scuffling to find a soulmate only to finally plunge into a relationship and make their fling legal. It gets even worse if the affair degenerates to a Facebook Love Story Syndrome. Just when i thought Romeo and Juliet died for love and took its with them, comes a shocker! Nowadays, romance enthusiasts are actually dying to fall in love despite gravity doing a moral job to control their overzealous feel-good hormones. Tell you what, eating chocolate makes you happy because it contains Phenethylanime, which happens to be part of the same hormone the brain triggers, when you trip and fall in love(assuming you succumbed to gravity). And you are still surprised why feel-good hormones in a relationship last only eight months? Wake up from the stupor already.
Who hurt me? Nobody… But why am I this bitter with people who voluntarily want to give love a chance by taking it for a road test while overlooking the eventuality of a crash test?
Well… I will let life break it down to you…
The other day life asked death,
“Why do people love me and hate you?”
“Because you are a beautiful lie and am a painful truth”
Then me and life were prompt to add…
Me, life and death raised a glass of mortality and made a toast, in readiness to face the mundane, which has its fair share of immorality.
You see why psychopaths celebrate Trump, the geezer speaks the truth in him however bitter and unpalatable it turns out to be to you.
You will love to hate him but you will also learn that Donald Trump is more straightforward than any of his pathological sycophants who won’t come out of the closet even at gun point …and so is Moses Kuria. They hit the nail on its bloody head. Even if it spews bloodshed, they remain unperturbed. They won’t waste time acting all hypocritical and sanctimonious. They will be ominously frank, and they will tell it to your face that they want you lifeless. They even have the nerve to inform you prior, of their intentions to use your very last drop of blood to appease their bogus gods.
Such is the reality that dawns on you after a break up, you will have much of crocodile tears to show for a relationship. And if there is an ounce of optimism left in you, you’ll be glad no soul is lurking around ready to stealthily assassinate you like they did to Kabetes and planning to do to RAO. You will be glad ” what doesn’t kill you makes you less vulnerable” then a spirited slogan will follow… Never a mistake, always a lesson.
Am no sadist, neither am i one of the prophets of doom who are in a room preparing the most lethal and maddening concoction that will make Jacob Juma’s killers eat grass before they are finally slaughtered! So, behold, for those having the honors to meet me for the first time , call me sanguine.
You might alright have a crush, but that does not mean the sanity of your brains should be crashed rendering it a cosmetic part of your head . Give love a chance but give a sane life even more chance. It’s foolhardy to keep choosing the wrong guy, then predictably run to facebook, twitter and LinkedIn to tell the whole universe about your erroneous life choices. Worse is crying wolf, while you try to connect with even more retarded rebounds.
Being a rebound after a breakup sucks more than a toddler sucks the colostrum out of those titties. But maybe the worst part of it is that you cant really fault the person that is using you to rebound. Unlike other relationship crimes, they are not even doing it consciously, it is just a combination of unfortunate timing and the fact that they are vulnerable. Either way my progenitor tells me, if at all it is necessary to fall in love, do it when you are soberly overwhelmed by it, NOT immediately loneliness sets in.
The readiness to entertain an adorable soul is usually irresistible… More often than not, we strive to prove to the “hunted”(gullible) party that Angels are real, and the jiggery-pokery continues till they finally see how heaven sent you really are. Take my friend Anthony (he’s not as tiny as an Ant, and i wouldn’t say he’s always horny either) for example… He will innocently tell his “bait” over some banter, that he cherishes a girl who likes long romantic walks. But because am his friend, in a flash, i will know for sure my friend is no liar. He undisputedly likes long romantic walks because he does NOT own a car.
The flattery is usually so surreal, leaving any buoyant love sick soul, bountifully smitten. At this point it will be ingenious for this love-struck soul to realize that, the butterflies they get in their stomach when they see someone they like, is actually a stress response called Adrenaline. Familiarity breeds contempt, and soon you’ll realize you’ve been licking the devils ass. Pack your bags somebody, its time to go love yourself.
With a generation of cool kids who believe YOLO is some kind of holy myrrh that anoints them into a life full of immortality that thrives on immorality, the wait for robot kids is long overdue. They are here amongst us. Heck they don’t even care if they have a soul altogether. Yet they are in a rush to jump into a relationship. Ironically they even lack the patience to deal with relationships. To the rooftops they will yell, “My life my rules” but you will be surprised that these same zealous zealots don’t have a clue of what to do with their lives.
This generation has lost the value of romance, trust, and the value of a conversation. Sadly, small talk is the new deep, while looking for something is usually intertwined with looking for someone.
If life and luck does not deliver your soulmate the same way yours truly (…must be the pizza) is delivered with love to your doorstep, don’t be stubborn, don’t be suicidal, drink some milk, move on. The universe is a catalogue of options to accommodate your life . Choose what grows your soul and show a clean pair of heels to that which wrecks havoc.
Girls take care of yourselves, some men will use you, use your body, damage your reputation then finally get married to another suave and debonair lady as you watch their love blossom in the air. The ninja will be born again, and as if that is not enough redemption, he will use you as a testimony in church.
But that should not be intimidating enough to compel you to brood vengeance, or plan a fracas that will entertain the entire neighborhood with your free circus. Don’t excel in making love and war concurrently, pick a struggle. Its time to find your soul.
See… ladies, education, career and your hard earned money will never wake up one day and decide to leave you. Find your soul.
Dude, wake up, dress up, and show up… grind, be a man and stop whining about sponsors just because you can only afford to be a blood donor! Make yourself useful… Go find yourself.
But then again every girl needs a boyfriend because you cannot always blame the government for everything!
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