Speaking of time, it been a long goddamn while.  Forgive my re-occurring smorgasbord of tepid syndrome that made cobwebs thrive within this space – doubleonews  interwebs . This poor parchment was estranged. I could say I decided to walk my tortoise to the zoo before writing another piece but then some of you would think I am being childish. You see sometimes you just want to sit pretty, scratch your belly and wonder if the lazy people (me) will go to heaven or God will be sufficiently gracious to have someone pick them up.  Just like a slay queen would use an Uber to go pick their nose which they deliberately dropped in someone else’s business 2 kilometers away. People who will be on transit from the living room to the bathroom but  will still require to be wished journey mercies. I hope all my ardent readers forthwith excuse my disappearing acts. Pardon me people, I have been out here trying to get Meagan Good to love me good good. I have nothing to show but blood, toil, sweat and tears.

Time is money, and if we could buy time, I would spend my last money.  Yes. I have been out here toiling, trying to amass enough wealth to buy myself an over-priced watch just to spend some quality time. Who said you can never buy time again?  Which reminds me of my friend and mentor Martin who is always complaining when I call him. Martin would never ignore my call because he knows he will blame me for every misfortune visiting his miserable life. Which eventually grants him closure. After answering his phone, Martin has made it default to ask me why I have made it a hobby to interrupt him with my calls when he is spending some quality time with his wife. That hits me with utmost remorse because it’s never in my wildest intentions to interrupt my friend while he’s trying to make twins with his wife as he nibbles frantically on her pre-existing twins. And even if I imagine they were just shoving popcorn down their gut while watching Netflix, still it’s so rude destroying the foundation of a couple’s foreplay.  While this chap is spending some quality time with his wife, am always spending quality money for some shitty Wi-Fi. Hello Zuku, Call me.

You see time has this subtle way of showing us what really matters. Show me what you do with your time and I will offer you some diction to dictate to you your addictions. What makes you tickle.  Boys might be less immune to the fact that their time can actually be squandered in their unyielding pursuits.  Boys wonder why they don’t get replies back from the ladies whose feet and armpits they are willing to wash. I want tell them that it is the same reason why they don’t call you back when you don’t meet standards and criteria for that job description. You are willing to give them the world oblivious that you might not have a place in it. They are not missing your call, they are not forgetting to text you back, they are not too busy, they are simply not interested. See? that’s not quantum physics. In fact what they are telling you is this; Look, all I want is a chance to waste your time, that’s all am asking for.  But why are you running to those who ignore you yet there are those who adore you.  The Sanguine already think am a prophet of doom.  Well,  tell you what, you will lead a goat through the red sea to a land full of grass (most likely Canaan) but the goat wants to go back and stare at a wall, eat soap and chew Musyoka’s green shirt hanging on the clothing line. Prophet of doom or not, at least I tried to liberate my people.

People have actually settled for being someone’s sometime. Which is okay.  Just like after school when you realize you were only friends with some humans  because you saw them all week, or at least five times in a week. You cannot feed your donkey only when you need to ride it. If you decide to be my friend then you are pledging your allegiance to buying me food whenever my gastric juice needs something to digest.

 Martin once met this lady who made him have  vivid but ripe ideas of fertilizing  feminine gametes and a happily ever after with her regardless of whether she would bring forth gluttonous annoying babies. So Martin proposed, and your guess is right. The lady was brutally honest.  She felt like Martin was rushing things yet her adrenaline rush had not hit its all time high. They had been talking for only 3 years and this lady felt like she wanted to get to know Martin first. This made me anticipate her future reply after another 3 years which would be something like; Sorry Martin, I hate to withdraw, I know we made plans to get together but that was 2 hours ago, I was younger and so full of hope. Martins picks his jaw from the floor. He cannot believe she’s pulled out!

Am praying they stop being childish and plan a wedding before I lose my teeth. I want to be at the wedding for the food. Clock’s ticking.


More time is spent on stalking and taking screenshots than having sober conversations devoid of small talk. There exists an insatiable urge to be liked, to be loved from within the confines of illuminating screens.  People are showing up only in photos which will seek validation and wows which now comes in form of likes and unremitting emojis.  Some will ask themselves why they have to visit their folks in the country side yet they can simply send a text message, send mobile money and later call to verify receipt of funds. That still is keeping in touch.  People out here busy making money. Just enough money to excuse them from spending time with human beings. They fancy spending time with robots, online lovers and the benevolence of plastic smiles.

Time will be here long enough to show you who shows up and who doesn’t. Time will be here to dictate your day, when to make hay and when to illuminate some sunshine onto someone else’s life. Time will be here to help you do what the clock does; Keep moving. Time will be here to make profound your priorities.

Time might help you learn to stop counting those who don’t show up and start appreciating those esteemed ones who do.   I have you to thank for your time.


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