Beauty without Brains ; A City full of Cosmetic Atrocities!

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When beauty withers

Now a normal (every) man needs a beautiful wife,  intelligent wife,  caring wife,  loving wife,  sexy wife,  adjusting and a cooperating better half. The tragedy is, the laws of the state and stakeholders limit you to entertain only one legal wife! Even jealousy wont let you espouse more than one! (RIP polygamy team mafisi would have loved you the most.) Quite a melancholic state of affairs i tell you. Woe unto you if you have concubines and a truckload of clandestine clandes, the government will bemuse your house with teargas canisters. The smoke will elicit bittersweet reactions -City girls watching from the Windows of their apartments and bedsitters will charge towards your domicile convinced-beyond reasonable doubt- that your house is now a shisha joint! 

Remembering your mama raised no coward, and that jacob juma’s legacy needs to be upheld, you will choke on that teargas and remain unshakable (the opposition style). Srikal will be swift to bulldoze your brothel with their new anti-riot paraphernalia but still you will not be vanquished!
Knowing too well variety is the spice of life.. you will continue with your hot pursuit of finding wives. You will consider wooing a sexy one first and maybe later finding one with brains.  Then because you have jargons and  an assortment of bombastic words stashed in your head and you happen to speak congruent English, you will persuade yourself that you are intelligent. Now you will want an intelligent wife.. You don’t mind if she is a staunch and fervent feminist! 

I hate to be the one to dent your self-esteem esteem but you cannot posses all the superior genetics the continent has to offer… That’s why no matter how committed you might be to save the world,  someone will still hate you! Just don’t be a crybaby,  make more babies instead.. they might actually love you unconditionally!  But that’s water under the bridge!

See, you can be deficient of picayune superficiality and weaves but you cannot  just lack brains~That shit is catastrophic! And it’s not just me, even Zimbabwe’s very own Roberto who happens to be mu7nis role model will tell you that if your Creator gives you beauty without brains,  your private parts will suffer the most!  Touche!  Give that nerdy geezer a concoction of umkhomboti Mukhombero and the most fermented illicit busaa…  enough to give him a staggering lead in the coming elections and save him from stumbling on the red carpet again as he heads to the podium to offer us laughing pills in form of expletives!

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Hello lovers of the interwebs

My progenitor tells me ladies are supposed to be like butterflies,  beautiful and hard to catch. But most of them nowadays are like mosquitoes,  annoying and easy to smash! 
Some will not even respect the fact that you went to school and scooped enough brains to make you distinguish between a hoe the digging tool,  and the whore who is being dug!  You will think you are miserable when your girlfriend sends you a text saying ;
“It’s over between us”
Until you receive another one saying ;
“sorry that wasn’t meant for you”
Then you will wish a mosquito sucked your your blood dry till you died! Because even your neighbors dog will have received the tragicomic news proving that b*tch has seen more ‘boxers’ than Mohammed Ali, Mike Tyson and Floyd Mayweather(don’t you dare miss the pun! ).

With gender bills being campaigned for  even more than damsels in distress fight for the right to pay their own bills,  gender equality couldn’t have surfaced at a better time. Buy  your own fake hair.. you won’t die! Can’t you see i was living a fake rich  life on social media just fine.  Forgive my belligerence but i never meant to be condescending!  Satire oozes out of me with a no mercy demeanor! Its purely art! 

See, even women are natural born artists,  from drawing eyebrows to drawing conclusions. We can be sure art will never die a natural death!
If you can shave your eyebrows completely and then draw them back with an eye pencil ; don’t ask for money to do your hair, you can equally shave your head bald and draw the damn weave of your choice! And for humanity’s sake,  don’t wear the same weave for nine months — it’s not pregnancy for crying out loud!

All of a sudden, every dude that has retired from being a fuckboy but is still a registered hyena of the mafisi sacco (Yes its officially a registered entity) wants s lady with beauty and brains!  What some haven’t learnt is; Nowadays it’s rare to find someone with a mind that is just as beautiful as their face!
Good boys exist, it’s just a pity that most of them suffer the pettiness of being ugly! But let me remind you,  before you call a guy ugly just make sure 95% beauty cannot be  murdered using a wet towel!
Yes, every girl is beautiful, sometimes it just takes the right Photoshop application to see it. Not forgetting the rate at which girls bleach nowadays,  you might end up dating your ex without a clue!

But boys wanting girls with brains still degenerates to small talk –  Guys will gather and play video games in a relaxed mood. The minute a cute girl ~say like Meagan Good~ walks into the room,  the game becomes a World Cup Final! Every boy will want to raise the roof only to be noticed and they will even want her to raise their children. 

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Meagan Good

It might be all fun and games till  you decide pour out your unsolicited emotions and niceties to her just so she can be wooed to give you some brain! Then she serves you with a shocker!  Her personality turns out to be so shambolic,  so chaotic you wanna cry a river! 
She told you how her name was Rose and justifiably so, her beauty was in harmony with her name.  But her personality makes her look like spinach – Only fit to be green with jealously!
Makes you wish beauty and brains was taught as subject, as a unit!  But who cares if school doesn’t teach us how to raise a family or get a job,  at least we can find the area of a triangle and consequently get entangled in love triangles.

Just in case you are new in the d(m)ating scene and you just found you a Hellen of Troy, more so in Kenya, just let it stick in your head that Kenyan girls don’t see a candle as romantic,  they prefer a generator. Brace yourself for the mundane
*Voices in the background yelling… Brains over beauty!  *
Maybe if brain was an app,  people would start using it! But in the meantime you can
Download the DoubleONews Android app to read more articles on the go

Feel free to leave your thoughts, brains and beauty below..

 

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35 Comments Add yours

  1. Kimko says:

    Hehe… okay

    Like

    1. itsmarcel says:

      Beware brother… Wear your armor.. Some are just fine wearing makeup

      Like

      1. COLLINS MBANDA says:

        Hi,

        I have been following your blogs and I must say I am very impressed. I am in the process of publishing a magazine (new in the market) and was requesting if you would allow me to include some of your articles in it. Its gonna be a social magazine touching on all spheres of our lives.

        Like

      2. itsmarcel says:

        You could contact me on marceldoubleo@gmail.com concerning the details

        Like

  2. Rachael says:

    The Marcel guy who view life in a perspective way……keep the spirit of
    thinking big dear

    Like

    1. itsmarcel says:

      Keep viewing life in a perspective with me

      Like

      1. itsmarcel says:

        And i appreciate you passing by Rachael

        Like

  3. MaingiNeema says:

    Beauty without brains. Come on boy, what I’ve just read is beauty with brains. The beauty of your language knowhow has well married those brains you got.
    What an involving piece this was. It’s a standout one….I’d pip it to a writers award. Comparisons are sweet when done in reference to the elite, far away from being biased and also avoiding to draw an artistic expression(get me mascara), Biko, Wanja and Lukorito would dream of meeting this level of language poise and panache.
    All hail Marcel. This wasn’t unprecedented, we saw this coming, it sounded from afar, the path to your prior articles suggested some creamy status in times to come, and here are those times.
    I would have counted it a loss if i died before this very article.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. itsmarcel says:

      Now your words are by far too kind…. These are the kind of comments that culminate into a hyperbole but whose effect evokes boundless appreciation and immense gratitude. Its gratifying that a Maingi somewhere savours in the read and i couldn’t be more satiated with the pieces i serve to you lovers of art! Appreciation galore Maingi

      Like

  4. grace kangethe says:

    nice article marcel
    but not most, but some girls are like mosquitoes; most girls are like butterflies beautiful i may say hard to catch but stupid when it comes to love. also some kenyan girls find candles romantic just the right kind B-)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. itsmarcel says:

      I totally agree with you on that one…. Your sentiment are not meant to usher me into a feministic debate… Your words are actually true and i am glad you saw it as constructive criticism and not chauvinism! Regards Grace…

      Like

  5. judyngure says:

    Marcelous
    I think u have outdone yourself, love the article, every bit is true except for the fact that its mostly spoken rarely applied.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. itsmarcel says:

      Wait…… Who doesn’t apply it… Tell me… We need to arrest them…. Cant they see we want to have a perfect world….. Hehe thanks for passing by

      Like

  6. Mariah says:

    See, even women are natural born artists,
    from drawing eyebrows to drawing
    conclusions.

    Hey marcel…I lack words….tht was goood…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. itsmarcel says:

      That’s for sure Mariah…. If anyone dared to tell you that you are not artistic then pray they get eaten by a rat! Thanks for your stopover…

      Like

    1. itsmarcel says:

      Regards…. I appreciate you passing by

      Like

  7. Wangu says:

    This is the best piece of writing I’ve read in a long time. About the shaving and drawing a weave of your own choice that hit the nail on the head.
    Congratulations Marcelo.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. itsmarcel says:

      Your Loyal read and plausible feedback makes the piece look Royal…. Thank you

      Like

  8. Dabl-G says:

    …..like mosquitoes annoying and easy to smash……and all gone in a wet towel…hahaha….dude u killing it up in this b*…….
    Awesome as alwys

    Liked by 1 person

    1. itsmarcel says:

      I appreciate you passing by Dabl-G and please smash those mosquitos with the precision of a hunter and utmost caution… If you miss they will suck you dry my brother.. Unless you like hospital ceilings!

      Like

    2. itsmarcel says:

      I appreciate you passing by visitor…

      Like

  9. cynthia says:

    followed from Biko’s blog… not disappointed at all.the satire is killing me..

    Liked by 1 person

    1. itsmarcel says:

      Wow…. This is huge…. Such referrals from the creme de la creme leave a sporadic attack goosebumps within my writing guts…. Thank you Cynthia.. And keep reading. Appreciated

      Like

      1. cynthia says:

        Marcel, is there a way we can know when you have posted something? i am a reading Junkie who can’t write… if there is anything like it.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Its Marcel says:

        Yes.. There is a way to subscribe to Newposts .. @ the footer of DoubleONews click onto the “View full site and on the right sidebar you will find the subscribe dialog.. Also like ” DoubleONews Android and Technology” on Facebook to get more news… Thank you

        Like

      3. Its Marcel says:

        I hope that was Helpful Cynthia

        Like

  10. Stevescorner says:

    Marcel, that’s piece of art up there. U’ve made my day. ‘ …. they prefer a generetor’ – that’s deep!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Its Marcel says:

      Well… I appreciate you passing by Steve…. Brace yourself for even deeper satire

      Like

      1. Dorine says:

        9 months weave… *I Left*

        Like

  11. Dorine says:

    “before you call a guy ugly just make sure 95% beauty cannot be murdered using a wet towel!”
    Hehe, this statement caught my eyes and I can’t deny the fact that beauty is short lived and brains is durable not unless you over do it because even the swahili know that ‘akili mingi huondoa huondoa maarifa’. About the 9 months weave and the drawing art in ladies let’s leave it at that…..ladies hatuwezi tu kuambiwa hivo. Nice piece though Marcel.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Its Marcel says:

      Well….overlooking the victimizing nature of the satire employed…it is highly appreciated that you passed by…..

      Like

  12. Writer Dog says:

    haha… beauty that can be wiped off … 😀

    Like

    1. Its Marcel says:

      You might even be tempted to sue her for impersonating Hellen of troy….. Having a shower together will have you picking your jaws from the floor!

      Liked by 1 person

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