Power to Read.. or power to Breed?

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Now over the past few weeks my eyes have been served to a legion of scholars in their graduation gowns and it is with equal measure of enthusiasm that my Facebook timeline has been splashed with graduation regalia and the paraphernalia that comes with all that ballyhoo. This type of hype only leaves me nostalgic and the intricacies that validated me fit to graduate from my alma mater start to creep in…Creepy i tell you! Again i ask myself… Will i really achieve that summa cum laude or will i plunge into a so help me God  vindication!  

See… for some that doesn’t even mater.. They don’t give a tinker’s damn if its a first class honors or a business class reservation in a submarine to the lowest echelons of grades. They just want to be submerged in their graduation kits..
Furthermore that is not the only cardinal key  to being a buffo in life, they will say, people like Lucious Lyon built a whole Empire off  drug money and  actually won a BET award for it Two! Maybe thats your scripted encrypted life too.. you’ll be convinced…and in that fairy tale delusion, you cant wait to swallow the  hook line and sinker

With the same optimism  of a promising repossession  from a destitute state,  you will be forced to embrace self-reliance and because you’ll have bought a spade already, you’ll start looking for a bigger mouth to shove life down your throat in the same gluttonous nature you were nurtured!

Reality check creeps in

It only dawns on you that you have been missing way too many calculus and accounts lectures when you graduate and you have no Idea what a Eurobond really is!(Trust me i even  tried Google…  I still don’t have answers) I mean not even the Kenyan government can  wrap its head around that unit!
Your graduation ritual culminates to a moment of  cognizance and this is accompanied with incongruous thoughts of what you haven’t achieved yet.. Like you remember.. What the hell!  I don’t know how to cook like Marcel mentioned. Then almost immediately a sigh of relief follows because you might be on the list of MPs who will be going for a cookery benchmarking in west Africa courtesy of the next financial year.. Phewks! Indeed sponsored by taxpayers offerings, you might also get the opportunity to go see the Indian Ocean in Australia regardless of the fact that you can actually see it while in Kenya! (Look here.. Magufuli would drown you in that Indian ocean to save the taxpayers money you buffoon! Its not only your life that matters!)
And just when you have had enough of exam paper’s mockery of your intelligence you remember you almost failed a drill test at Strathmore that actually rendered some deceased(RIP to the those caught in a crossfire of a horrendously planned drill) even though you don’t actually school at the University! (Will those who broke their bones while scampering for safety in a moment of oblivion also be allowed to graduate at the University because they failed the test? Will covering the medical expenses and morgue arrears cover the Mediocrity exhibited by one of the Creme’ de la creme’  Universities in Kenya? [no pun intended] Does that administration think we are here to joke.?!

Chasing after ladies goes away

Before you (yes.. You dude) joined campus, you had no idea that you’d be using your entire HELB money to pay for your campus crush’s apartment as you play hide and seek with your landlord in a series of “how to get away with a bedsitter rent evasion”.
Of course you were not stupid… You were just filling in for a friend…. But since the freshers will be here in a whisker, your shift is now over!
By now you will have known too well that girls prefer a guy that can put two Indomine super packs (with or without eggs) on their table every night…to a broke fella with Six packs!
I am also tempted to think campus is a breeding hub and some could be brooding as i script this. This is the very ground where gullibility and maturity are clearly defined and naivety hits you so hard till you finally fathom the phrase nai ni ya nani? For the newcomers this is how it plays out….
A boy will politely ask a lass, “What’s in between your legs?”  and the lady will reply..  “Hell…! ”  (Damn! Thats a million dollar reply..  This girl is fire!) ” So the lady will also play the devil and ask..” And whats in between your legs?” only for the boy to act all crafty with a answer so palatable… “What’s  between my legs is a sinner who wants to go to hell!”  Nine months later,  we the comrades will be chivalrously attend the baby shower…. (i hope their apartment/bedsitter will have a hot shower or a jacuzzi.. I will dive in like a diva!)
For some this will be an eye opener more than a leg opener… and for the broke fellas  who cant afford to “host” a baby shower… A slogan will emerge…{ You are a student.. You are dating another student, You don’t have money… (how do you expect him to have money?) You  are both broke.. Let’s just study!..} I just hope that damsel doesn’t get over you and get pregnant! And dude.. Just because you won a bread eating competition doesn’t make you a breadwinner!

You on your Own

Immediately you post a photo(Thanks to social media) with your graduation gown, even if you look like a clown  you will be graced with a squillion accolades from your squad and comrades…. Heck you will even be untouchable because this particular photo will hit the 199 likes thresholds and you will also like it to edge to 200 likes thereby  proving beyond any reasonable doubt  that you are the new Socialite in the Market! Even those relatives who  live in  Longisa and Timbuktu, the ones you never thought were familiar with instagram will  touble tap just to let you know… “You on your own!”
No more pocket Money.. No job  yet.. (How  can the government provide jobs  when everyone on Facebook Twitter and Instagram is a CEO… For bookings call 911.. For love Sms Pendo to 310…For cloud 9 holla  at  Ocholla! The hustle got real bruh! )
You will sit in corner and look back at the girls you spent money on instead of sending it to your mother.. then you will realize witchcraft is real though you have never been superstitious! Again you remember… You bought your girlfriend pizza.. Your Mum eats arrow roots on a “Terrific Tuesday”  and here you are wondering why you have never moved out of your bedsitter because now you will  be forced to evacuate!
These are the times you wish you were dreaming because it is only through such moments  of slumber that you  realize you can travel to any country without a visa and when the cops are chasing your ass to deport you, you escape by waking up!
On second thought please don’t wake me up!  I want my life to play out like that movie! I want yo get away with murder and build an Empire!

A short note to graduates…

Today, we give you the forth power. The power to read and  partake all what  appertains to your degree.
Just incase you wake up broke again! Just jot down your CV for a job application and don’t forget to add.. “Once dated a Kenyan girl”  so that the panel can know you can handle just about anything life throws you!

 

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8 Comments Add yours

  1. mariah says:

    hahahaha…im in love with the last note…
    Goodone friend.

    Like

    1. itsmarcel says:

      Keep reading Mariah…. I appreciate you passing by….

      Like

  2. ha-ha the climax though…. very hilarious
    and what did kenyan women do to you though? I have been following.
    good read!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. itsmarcel says:

      @chesharicynthia Kenyan women have perfected the art of inconsistency… They might not know what they want but they will want the Moon and the stars and they will not care if you are Neil Armstrong or a rocket…. All they’ll want will be to be in your pocket as you fill up their closet.. More often than not…. Most of them if not all!

      Like

  3. Maingi. says:

    Brilliance. So involving
    an article that i delved deeply in it, but, only for some Van Gaal flashbacks ruining
    it all. He verily might have won a bread eating competition. Certainly not a breadwinner.

    Many thanks Marcel. Nice reads we get.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. itsmarcel says:

      Maingi…i actually empathize with you in your troubles with the Red Devils….. But its not over until the Fat Lady squeaks… And just in case you think you are having a bad day… Just know Some bus driver was branded a joker since he was killing the blues this weekend… Maybe RVG is just about to be given that Mediocre treatment!

      Like

  4. Wangu says:

    Kenyan ladies are good Marcel. Dont be too hard on us.

    Like

    1. itsmarcel says:

      Wangu i agree…. Kenya Ladies are so Good most Men wanna cry!

      Like

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