Damn Damsel! …. Why do you have to be so alluringly dead magnetic Fine! Can i walk you down the aisle? On an island maybe…? Because honestly girl you give me a sporadic attack of goosebumps.. As if that isn’t enough mellow drama he might add… Girl is your Mother a Rocket jet fighter—because when she had you —she dropped the bomb! I dont have your number just yet but you make my follicles go -err- numb…. (i know you saw that swapy wordplay).
Such is the spree of picked up forsaken lines that dudes work in shifts— day and night— to master just so they can sweep a credulous lady off her dress..! Are you kidding me Mr. Lust-struck…you gonna leave this lady naked? … She ain’t Eve and you ain’t Adam— so Damn straight you’re not in the Garden of Eden! Don’t even think you’ll eat that Apple in the middle that easily! —its only meant for her badboy.. Her “serpent”.
Apparently Ladies stopped looking for prince charming because the poor idiot is stuck on a tree somewhere trying to be all cute with cupid arrows, deep in the wildest of bushes hunting, to win over her heart— Dude dont be silly! go for the Kill… Why go through hell to be the hero of winning hearts… Is it not gratifying enough that you are the sperm that won! ¿ I mean really! Jack now has a pot belly thanks to winning a sportpesa jackpot…(You are busy getting laid and this guy is getting more food) And here you are.. Involved in schematic attempts to deprive a hot banging splendiferous lady of her heart….How could you be so heartless! *Anybody wanna buy a heart? *
Sometimes you find yourself lost in your own grievances.. so you wonder why Adam and Eve couldn’t swallow their pride and go apologize to the Creator just so we can all go back to the Garden of Eden and live there naked with superfluous supply of food and nudity! Clad and food prices are skyrocketing. Is it not for the same reason that the fairer sex opt for shorter skirts see me through tights and less cover on their cleavage —because longer dresses are unbearably expensive? Of course NOT! They want those hapless boy souls to sniff their thighs and curves like “Sniffer dogs” and because “All men are Dogs” comes an evil laugh…. then because this guy will be indefatigable enough to quench his thirst he’ll chase after that beauty like an alcoholic chases Liqour just to put their liver under duress—in this case he wants the cookie from that empress— so he’ll brace himself just to impress the beholder of that honeypot!
The Extremes Dudettes go to impress Ladies can thereby be safely validated with two words atrociously outrageous! Forget the phrase “beauty is in the eyes of the beholder…” There exists this other beauty that makes you want to walk up to that Luscious face and ask for forgiveness (for-nothing) for the simple fact that she’s beautiful and you are the Ugly one! Like.. *Will you ever find a place in your throbbing heart to forgive me for being so Ugly.. I know i look monstrous… *
You better not have grotesque features because if she agrees with you then you will have to throw yourself over a cliff because she will be telling you outrightly to concentrate on dying because she ain’t lying nor getting laid with u!
These are the same strikingly gorgeous type of girls that are so HOOT… they make a psycho dude Fake falling asleep in a physics class as she dozes off next to him, just so he can tell other ‘hyenas’ (Team-Mafisi) that he slept with her….! Then because he’s still thirsty he will probably follow her to her house and request if he can drink the water she showered with— however salty or ill-causing germs infested.. Heck its fresh from her fine body (And if anything he can drink some Dettol later if these germs prove cantankerous ) … Damn man! You really got a Head…!? (no.. pun intended) However bizarre that is.. this guy can actually be the Most sly Lawyer in the Ruto-Sang case at the ICC.. (We need this crafty fellow for theatrics—not all these hypocritical prayers from players of politics).
Even after all these thingamajig display and relentless chase to get the attention of this Hellen of Troy… Some guys still don’t see the writing on the Damn Dura coat painted wall..! They still blindly and hopelessly Romance a no chance soul!
Okay Maybe i shouldn’t blame this chap of a guy.. after all maybe he doesn’t deserve that slap! … See One joke of the year we often miss is the fact that women don’t want you to lose interest even if they are not interested! Don’t you also agree with me that behind every satisfied woman there exists an exhausted man….?! (i agree).
She will tell you that you are like a Guardian Angel to her… Wait..! did she just call you a Guardian.?(we are nullifying the Angel part because they don’t exist) Niggah please hide your Wallet! You are like a Father to her! (All hail Sponsor)!
Now listen to this Old hunter… This beautiful cheeky chic you are chasing will talk to Five dudes at once, be playing four of them, get played by one of them, then she’ll still go talk about how men ain’t shit! Like The Hell?!
Who was born last night here? Maybe that guy who keeps sending you recycled “Hi” (s) even after you kindly replied with a “Low”! —That there is a bloody siren asking you to get a life… Because you are a loser who is in love with the wrong chunk of life! Can’t you see you don’t warrant even a friendzone…. Run niggah run… In the opposite direction! Go grab your ego from your Mums womb— you probably came out without it!
The quickest and less precarious healing remedy for accidentally falling for someone you have absolutely no chance with is —part 1 out of 3—accept your death! But seriously though… If you wanna chase a Girl make Usain Bolt, Theo Walcott and Alex Chermbalain your best Friends!(P.S I’m NOT an A$$nol fan, Disclaimer;! Wenger did not pay me any hefty amounts to mention or advertise these players whatsoever ) You will be on their ass quite expeditiously, technically and even hypothetically!
For those who don’t know how to to satisfy a Woman am here to rescue you buddy—The G-spot is located right at the end of the word SHOPPING!
Time is definitely of the essence and it really pains my hair to watch a guy squandering all the time there is— to Play FIFA and plough the land to grow more Food— on a recreational activity like constantly spoiling a beautiful Organism with your last money and alot of sweet nothings! Unless flashing time together with your pee and poop down the toilet is your hobby then by all means chase her to the moon and back bud !
But always remember.. if you take her for Three consecutive dates and she hasn’t let you unbutton her shirt(top) for you to have a better view of her heart… Then wake up herbalist and smell the spices— She’s there for the Food! She’s no rare species!
Meanwhile there is this voluptuous pulchritudinous Girl who just moved in next door… I think tomorrow i will ask her if she likes bread…